Perfecting the long distance relationship

For those who know me and Daniel, you know that we have been together for almost five years and of those five years, we have spent probably half of them living in different countries.  To say that ours is an unconventional relationship would be putting it mildly.  If after a year of being together, someone had asked me to put money on whether or not we would still be together, I would most definitely have bet for not, and lost.  We have been through a lot in the last few years – both my parents passed away and Daniel’s mom and grandfather too.  Daniel’s mom’s passing was especially tragic as it was cancer, it was quick and she was only 49.  So we have been through stuff.  I have watched Dan grow from a computer game obsessed young man who would get to bed at 3am every night into a man who now owns his own business.  It’s funny that one of the main reasons he started his own business was so that he could sleep late and not have to negotiate heavy traffic and taxis every morning and evening.  Yet, he is up at 6:30 every morning now raring to go.  He has bought a bike and so even if he does have to ‘go into the office’ he can do so with ease.

I thought that everyone who is in a long distance relationship would have thought about the things we do to keep the relationship alive but apparently not.  Everyone I tell thinks it’s completely unique and cute (or else they are vomiting behind our backs, who knows?).  But in the interest of keeping a long distance relationship going strong here are some tips to keep the romance alive.

The long and the short of it is this – when you are not out and about with friends, which of course should still happen as it would in the normal course of events, do everything together.  With the technology we have today this is completely doable.  You can cook together, shower together and then get into bed and talk, choose a movie or a series and watch together, just as you would if at home..  Once in bed at the end of the day, Dan and I Skype for a while and catch up on our days.  Then we put the same movie/series on on Netflix, get to the same point in the show and then press play.  Skype minimises to the top right hand corner and voila, you are watching a movie together.  In some ways it’s better as both of you can fart in the bed and it doesn’t affect the other! 😉

OK, so there is the very real problem of missing the physical aspect of the relationship and yes, that’s the worst part about being separated, no mistake!  But we all know that there are ways around that and while there can never be physical touching while apart there are loads of ways to enjoy each other’s company and still keep the romance alive.  Like taking him into the shower with you.  Or going sexy underwear shopping with the whatsapp camera on.  And then getting home and putting it on.  We have called it the ‘laptop dance’ and it works wonders for keeping things exciting! 😉

For most people in long distance relationships, they are apart for a reason that is important for the future, the goal is that you will be together again and the end goal is making a life together.  Otherwise you would not do it.  As its hard.  But these days the time apart does not have to be a negative thing.  It can be a time of spicing things up, enjoying yourselves in a way you might not be able to when eventually together.

A few weekends ago a band that we both really like played a show in London and he asked me to go and ‘take him with me’.  As it was last minute and a pretty obscure band, no one I knew wanted to go with me so I essentially did go alone. That was a huge ask but I did it because I knew that he would appreciate it, and he did.  Even though I kept muting the sound by mistake when sending videos and the wifi was not great on the Whatsapp call, it was certainly a unique and memorable experience.  It got me out and about to a place and a show I had not seen before and it was worth it for having given Daniel the experience too, albeit a bit smudgy and wonky.

I miss my partner immensely but we are basically together at every opportunity chatting and catching up, our lives are still very much intertwined. My heart is full.  I feel lucky to be in London with a boyfriend who is happy for me to be here and who understands that my life is here now and that he needs to make the move over here and live with me eventually.  I understand that may take a while because he has a business to grow and that making the move to the UK might be a challenge.  It’s also great to know that while that is our immediate future goal, our long-term future is still fluid.  I will admit that its not always easy.  I have had to practice patience which is not my strong suit.  It gets tiring always going out on your own even though you have a partner.  But its also fun to go and then be able to tell them all about it afterwards.  I guess there are loads of couples out there who wish for the day they could get some distance in their relationship.  I guess its all relative and we need to do what feels right.  In the past I fought this relationship every step of the way because I thought that the age-gap was too big, or that he didn’t love me enough or that I wasn’t sure I wanted to DO love again being the cynical, jaded person I am now.  But he changed that.  He showed me that the gap is irrelevant and that his love for me has grown in such a way that its apparent.  I feel happy, safe and secure.  Still don’t feel patient though! 😉

My soul bestie
This is a pic of me and Dan – can you see Dan in this at all?
Dan and I having a laugh on one of our last nights before I left for the UK last year!
One of the very first pics I took of him – 4 years ago
Dan in London – when I wasn’t – 3 years ago.
Dan cooking me my fav on the braai – Woolies steak!
When your man thinks its funny to dress up in your clothes … I must say the colour really suits him!!

If anyone has any other tips to keep things exciting and funny please let me know, I would love to hear from you.


One thought on “Perfecting the long distance relationship”

  1. Maria this is unbelievable, Well done to both of you. This is such a cruel world we live in and people always like to judge and be negative…….. absolutely awesome, I wish you guys all the happiness life may bring xoxo


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